A very common and often unexpressed complaint that married men make is, “my wife doesn’t want to make love.” We’ve all been privy to a joke or two about the wife who always had a headache. It’s not funny to a man who lives it on a daily basis. Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy, well balanced and loving marriage. When one partner pulls the plug on the intimacy, for whatever reason, it can and often does leave the other feeling disconnected, abandoned and rejected. If your wife has stopped wanting to make love and she has a laundry list of excuses that stretches for miles and miles, you need to intervene. This is not a problem that is going to be fixed unless you put in some effort, and take some compassionate steps towards reconnecting with her.
Your immediate assumption when your wife repeatedly refuses to be intimate may be that she’s having an affair. It’s understandable why you’d jump to this conclusion given the fact that she’s not interested in making love with you so logically it’s because she’s making love with someone else, right? Surprisingly, many women who are indeed having extramarital affairs will actually engage in intimacy more often with their spouse. It’s believed that this occurs because the woman in question wants to ensure her husband never suspects she’s cheating. In her mind if she has sex with him often, he’ll never suspect. You can take comfort in the fact that it’s rare for a woman’s disinterest in intimacy to be tied to her having an affair.
It is important, however, that you do try and understand why she’s lost interest in intimacy with you. There are a number of reasons why this does sometimes occur in marriages. Some examples are the wife feels her body has changed so significantly that she’s embarrassed by it, she feels that her husband doesn’t find her attractive because he never makes positive comments anymore, or because of a conflict that was never resolved. If you and your wife have tension between the two of you that is occurring outside the confines of your bedroom walls that is inevitably going to impact what happens inside those walls.
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